Bad Medicine
by LokiLeysmith
Summary: What do you get when you mix caffeine, pain medication, cartoons, and a really cranky General Hawk? Chaos in the PIT!
1. Chapter 1

**Bad Medicine Pt 1.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the GI Joe characters. **

**Chapter One.**

AN: This is a prequel of sorts to my story Hawk's Holiday. It explains a few of the events leading up to that story.

_GI Joe HQ: The PIT, Arizona. 1035hrs._

Lt. General Clayton Abernathy, or General Hawk, was having a really bad day.

This was not an unusual occurrence, granted. Between dealing with the bozos at the Pentagon who were constantly telling him how to run his command, not to mention a few of the clowns under his command would drive anyone to drink.

The last few days had been worse than normal though. He had spent the last week or so at the Pentagon in the company of the 'Jugglers', a secret committee of 4-Star Generals and Admirals that virtually ran the US Armed Services. Hawk had little doubt that when they had originally formed years ago, they had the best of intentions. To use one saying 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'. But the maxim that best described the Jugglers would be 'Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.'

Being the only 3 Star General in the Jugglers had several disadvantages, but he managed to thwart them as much as he could through guile, cunning, outright blackmail, and a bit of dumb luck on occasion. Last week though, they managed to really get under his skin.

They wanted to cut his budget as usual, this time by a ridiculous 35% or more. This time though they came armed with information about some of the Joe's recent setbacks, the loss of over 30 people on Cobra Island, the failure to capture Serpentor or Cobra Commander, and of course, Snake-Eyes and his latest hare-brained escapades. They had presented their findings to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, The Secretary of Defense, and finally, The President of The United States.

Hawk ended up on the defensive, a position he detested. With a lot of pleading, cajoling, and a bit more blackmail, he managed to talk them out of not cutting back his budget too badly. But a 15% cut hurt a bit so several sacrifices would have to be made, most notably in personnel replacement.

Although the way certain personnel at the base had been acting lately, sacrificing them, preferably on a large altar with Hawk using a big knife and a bowl to hold the hearts, was starting to look like a good idea.

The boredom that usually hit the Joes in between missions had hit in a big way. Shipwreck, Leatherneck, Wet Suit, and a few others had managed to level the rifle range, again. He had explained it to them several times, 'the rifle range is for rifles the artillery and bazooka range is for artillery and bazookas. Never try to mix the two.' You would think they would have figured it out by now, but nooo.

Then there was the lab. Emphasis on 'was'. The lab was completely destroyed after Duke allowed Blowtorch, Airtight, Tripwire, and a few of the other resident mad scientists to perform some experiments, the same experiments that resulted in a lab table being vaporized, literally. Duke must have been half asleep, or drunk, when he gave the okay that was the only reasons Hawk could see for Duke giving them permission so easily.

By the time he figured it out, it was too late. He was about to run down there when Barbeque called him from the former lab. Duke, to his credit, didn't shoot any of the guilty party, at least not yet.

With this entire mess going on, combined with falling flat on his face during morning PT, a Greenshirt making him spill his first morning coffee on himself, and a few other factors, suffice it to say anyone who saw Hawk storming down the halls saluted respectfully, scurried out of his path quickly, and otherwise kept quiet as if their very lives depended on it, which was most certainly the case.

Unfortunately for Hawk, fate was about to make everything that had happened to him thus far seem like a welcome relief in comparison. The intervention took form in 3 things, a maintenance person, a freshly mopped floor, and a flight of stairs.

Hawk came storming out of an office, and headed towards his own. He had just finished having a blazing row with his Command Sgt. Major, Beachhead over some trivial matter or other, and was headed towards the stairs that would take him up to his private office, a path, which took him over the aforementioned mopped floor.

This wasn't the maintenance man's fault, as Duke would state in his report later. He was just going about his daily routine, as he had always been, for as long as anyone could remember. He did his job, never complained, and never took sick days, day in, day out, with very little variation, which was amazing considering where he worked.

He had just finished that particular stretch of hallway and was changing the water in his bucket, when he heard the scream. That was not part of his normal routine. He turned off the water and went to investigate. Rounding the corner to the hallway he had just mopped, he noticed a few telltale signs that something was wrong. Footprints that traveled from one end of the hall next to the 'Caution: Wet Floor' sign, part way down the hall where the person hit a particularly wet patch, then skidded the rest of the way and down the steps.

The maintenance man started to get nervous as he peered down the stairs. _Several years_ _without an accident, and now this happens, _he thought. As he was afraid of, there was a crumpled, but still breathing, body at the landing 3 floors down. He cautiously made his way towards the person, while calling for assistance on his radio.

"Can you see who it is?" The voice on the other end asked.

"Yeah, it's…" His voice faded as he saw who had fallen. Visions of firing squads danced in his head.

"Well, who is it?" The voice demanded irritably.

"General Hawk." He croaked in reply.

There was a long pause. "Oh shit!" The voice exclaimed.

"You can say that again." The maintenance man replied. He figured that he would be calling in sick tomorrow. And the next day as well.

_Sickbay, 2 hours later._

Lifeline was nervously pacing back and forth waiting for the arrival of Duke and Flint. Stretcher, his corpsman, sat at his desk and watched him.

"You know, I should be allowed to shoot you with a paintball gun when you do that." Stretcher remarked casually as he went back to his magazine.

"How can you be so casual at a time like this?" Lifeline asked with a hint of exasperation in his voice.

"Practice." Stretcher replied with a grin.

"Hello! In case you hadn't noticed, we have the C.O. of the GI Joe team in sickbay!" Lifeline was almost shouting as he waved his arms around.

Stretcher sighed. "Relax, man. He took a tumble down the stairs. Could happen to anyone."

"But it's' not 'anyone', its' Hawk!" Lifeline was getting even more excited.

Stretcher sighed again and stood up to his full 6'4" height. The former Olympic weightlifter walked up to the unit M.D. who flinched under his gaze.

"Lifeline, you are my boss, and my friend, but if you don't sit down and relax, I will be forced to sedate you." He said in a firm voice. Lifeline got the hint and sat down and quietly fidgeted. Stretcher looked satisfied as he sat back down and picked his magazine up again.

Duke and Flint finally showed up 5 minutes later. They had just finished debriefing the maintenance man and a few others, including Beachhead. They told the maintenance man that it wasn't his fault, and gave him the week off to recover his nerves.

"How is he?" Duke demanded without preamble.

"He's asleep now. He has a minor concussion, and he banged up his back a bit, but otherwise he's okay." Lifeline replied.

"That's a relief. We don't need Hawk out of action for too long." Flint said.

"We're going to keep him in sickbay for a few days for observation, but he should be fine after a few days bed rest, and a few visits with the chiropractor." Lifeline added.

"You sure you guys can handle him? He has been a bit irritable for a few days, so he may be a bit difficult." Duke said.

"We can handle him, don't worry." Stretcher replied with a confident smile.

"But if you could send Scarlett, or one of the other ladies to help out, we'd appreciate it. They were a big help the last few times Hawk was in here. They did a good job of boosting his spirits." Lifeline said.

Flint chuckled. "We'll see what we can do."

"What the hell is going on here?" Hawk bellowed from the next room making everyone jump. They all rushed in to see that Hawk was awake and trying to get out of bed.

"What am I doing in sickbay? So I took a tumble, big deal. Let me out of here, now! I have work to do." Hawk tried to stand but the pain in his head and lower back made him flinch, and he nearly toppled over. Stretcher caught him and easily put him back into bed.

"I'm sorry sir, but you sustained a minor concussion, and what looks like a few strained or pulled muscles in your lower back. So I'm afraid that you're going to be our guest for a few days." Lifeline tried to smile, but the look Hawk gave him effectively wiped the smile from his face.

"Don't worry, a little TLC, a little bed rest, and you'll be as right as rain in a week or so." Stretcher added cheerfully. Lifeline stared at him wondering how he could be so cheerful when his carrier as a Joe was about to come to an abrupt end.

"A week! This place will fall apart completely by then!" Hawk shouted, wincing in pain.

"Flint, Beachhead and I can keep things going while you're here. We already have the lads rebuilding the rifle range and the lab in order to keep them occupied. Just relax and enjoy your impromptu vacation." Duke said in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

"Yeah, we'll have Roadblock make you a nice dinner, and we'll wheel in a TV, DVD player and a pile of shows to watch. Anything to make your stay comfortable." Lifeline added with his fingers crossed behind his back.

Hawk glowered at their smiling faces, than he relaxed a bit. "I suppose I could use the rest." He sat and pondered a bit. "Fine, I'll try to relax. Just get me some stuff from my office." He winced in pain again. "And could you give me something for my back, please?"

"We have some new stuff that just got approved by the FDA, for sore muscles and the like. A friend of mine in Johns Hopkins Hospital recommended it highly." Lifeline went over to a cabinet and came back with a bottle of little pink pills. "Take one of these every six hours and don't take more than four of them in one day. He also said that you shouldn't take them with coffee."

"Fine, whatever. Just give me one for now and we'll see what happens." Hawk said. Stretcher poured a glass of water and handed it to Hawk, while Lifeline handed him a pill. Hawk took the pill with the water then sat back and relaxed. Within a few minutes, the pain in his back subsided, and he relaxed a bit. Soon he was asleep. The others went back out to the office.

"He should be okay in a week like I said." Lifeline stated.

"That's good. We'll keep the children occupied until then. In the meantime well have someone bring Hawk the stuff he asked for." Flint said before he and Duke left the sickbay, leaving the medics alone with their patient.

While Hawk slept, a large TV with a DVD player was quietly wheeled into the room, and Hawk's briefcase was brought in as well. After the TV/DVD was set up, the Joes doing the setup left as quietly as they came in.

A few minutes later, Firewall, one of the team's new computer specialists came into sickbay. Despite his gruff demeanor, she regarded Hawk as kind of a father figure, and in turn, Hawk had taken a liking to the young computer hacker.

"How is he doing Lifeline?" She asked while peering in at him while he slept.

"He's going to be fine. What do you have there?" Lifeline pointed at the disks in her hand.

"Oh, these? Just a couple of DVDS I made up a few days ago for Hawk. We were talking about, of all things, old cartoons on TV, and he mentioned that he liked some of the old Hannah-Barberra stuff. So I recorded all of the episodes of this show called 'Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. It features a bunch of the old characters acting way OOC. It's a bit risqué, but I thought he would get a kick out of it." She said with a smile.

Lifeline smiled back. "I'm sure he will, thank you. I'll be sure to give them to him when he wakes up. He'll appreciate the gesture I'm sure."

"Thanks Lifeline." Firewall hugged him and gave him a peck on the cheek, causing him to blush before she left.

Lifeline chuckled a bit. "Ah, youth." He mused aloud. He placed the disks on top of the pile by Hawk's bed and checked in on the sleeping General.

_It's going to be an interesting week. _He mused.

He had no idea how right he was going to be about that.

TBC. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Bad Medicine.**

**Chapter 2.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any of the GI Joe Characters.**

It was the second day after Hawk's accident, and he was feeling a bit better.

The new medication was doing its job and Hawk back pains seemed to be lessening. As a result Hawk was a bit more upbeat, and Lifeline's job got that much easier. Lifeline liked it when his job got easier it reduced his chances of having a stroke anytime soon. Stretcher, for his part, went about his daily routine as if everything was okay.

Duke, Flint, and Beachhead would drop by on occasion to check in on Hawk's progress and assure him that the base was still standing. Hawk would ask a few questions, sign a few papers and then lie back and either read, or watch a movie. A few other Joes would drop in, Lady Jaye or Scarlett mostly, and talk with him. Shipwreck and a few others were ordered to stay away from the sickbay and Hawk for the time being, for reasons of health, theirs, not Hawk's.

For his part, Hawk seemed to be enjoying his impromptu vacation. It was giving him a chance to read the latest Vince Flynn novel he had bought a week ago and hadn't had a chance to look at yet. Not to mention watch a few movies that he had bought, or been given over the last month or so.

"How are you feeling Hawk?" Stretcher asked as he walked into the room.

"A bit better, thanks." Hawk replied. He frowned a bit as he sorted through the pile of DVDS in his lap. He held up one in particular. "What's this? Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law? Where did this come from?" He asked.

Stretcher came over. "Oh yeah, Firewall dropped that off for you yesterday. She mentioned that the two of you had a chat about old Hannah-Barberra cartoons. She figured you would get a kick out of this, she recorded a bunch of the episodes for you."

"Have you watched the show?" Hawk asked.

"Yeah, once or twice. It was kind of funny, but not really my thing. It's definitely a show for adults though." Stretcher added.

Hawk thought about it for a few moments. "Ah what the hell. I'm not going anywhere. Put it in." Hawk ordered with a smile.

"You got it, sir." Stretcher smiled and put the DVD into the player. Hawk had the remote control, so he turned it on. Within minutes he was laughing uproariously at the antics of the characters on the screen. Stretcher watched with him for a few minutes then left to resume his duties.

"Roadblock will be here in a bit with your supper." He called as he left.

"Yeah okay, whatever." Hawk replied in a distracted voice. He was laughing again as Stretcher closed the door. Stretcher sighed and went back to work.

Three hours or so later…

Hawk had just finished watching the last episode and he was feeling a lot better than he had felt in a while. He had always enjoyed a few of the old Hannah-Barberra cartoons, and it was interesting to see them acting in rather odd situations. Scooby Doo and Shaggy being busted for possession, Fred Flintstone as a mafia don, Boo-Boo Bear as the Unabomber, and the list went on. And this poor, ex-superhero Birdman trying to defend them, was absolutely priceless!

"I'll have to thank Firewall next time I see her." He muttered aloud. Beside him a small alarm beeped. Time to take another pill. Hawk took out one of his pills and reached for the water pitcher. It was empty. He frowned and was about to call the nurse on duty for a refill but noticed that he still had plenty of coffee left. Lifeline normally only allowed his patients to have water, milk, or fruit juice, but he knew the consequences would be dire if Hawk was deprived of his coffee. It usually wasn't pretty.

He took his pill and washed it down with a cup of coffee, which he noticed was getting cold. This time he did summon the duty nurse who dutifully got a fresh pot of coffee, refilled the water pitcher, got him a few snacks (fruit basket, and some M&M's. A big no-no, but he was a 3-Star General), fluffed his pillows, tucked him in, and went on her merry way leaving Hawk alone.

Hawk was so tickled by the show that he decided to watch it again.

Another 3 hours pass…

"He-he-ha-ha-ha." Hawk was laughing like a child at this point. At one point he was laughing so hard he fell out of bed. This aggravated his back a bit and after he crawled back into bed, he took another pill with another cup or two of coffee. This, as you may have guessed, was a mistake.

One particular character on the show fascinated him. The character's name was Mentok-The Mind Taker. He was an extraordinarily powerful telepath who went around bellowing lines like 'Mentok commands you!' Or 'Mentok wills it!' In this show he was a judge, and he stole practically every scene he was in. Hawk found him enormously funny.

At this point he noticed that he was out of coffee. _This will not do! _His caffeine and medication addled mind began to start blending reality and fantasy. _I, Mentok need coffee! I, Mentok, will have coffee. _Mentok, err, Hawk pressed the button to summon his lackey, I mean, call the nurse.

The duty nurse, a polite young woman who had just transferred onto the Joe team last week, stood up, smiled in her polite way, and went in to see her patient.

"Hello General, how may I help you?" She asked in her polite way.

"Go get me some more coffee! Mentok commands you!" Hawk demanded while holding the empty coffee pot upside down.

The nurse, to her credit, didn't blink. She kept her smile affixed to her face as she replied; "Of course, General." She had spent a few years working in a psychiatric ward she knew how to handle difficult patients. She decided to humor him first by getting a fresh pot of coffee. While she was getting it, she placed a discreet call to Lifeline, asking him to come back to sickbay.

Lifeline arrived as the coffee finished brewing. He assured the nurse that he would handle Hawk. He filled the pot, went into Hawk's room, and stopped dead at the sight of Hawk standing there glaring at him angrily.

"Where is my coffee mortal? Mentok demanded his coffee hours ago, and Mentok shall have his coffee now!" He thundered, advancing on Lifeline.

Lifeline flinched a bit, but his training kicked in. "What are you doing out of bed? Get back into bed now." He ordered in a firm voice.

This only succeeded in angering Hawk further. "You dare to presume to order around Mentok- The Mind Taker? You shall suffer for your foolishness." Hawk bellowed. He then began waving his hand in a circle and making an odd 'Ooo-eee-ooo' sound.

Lifeline blinked, then set the coffee pot down and called for the nurse to help him. Lifeline was a Third-degree black belt in Aikido and although he hated to do it, he wouldn't hesitate to use his training on extremely violent patients, even if said patient was his C.O.

He really didn't need to worry. A brief scuffle ensued between Hawk, Lifeline, and the nurse, which ended with Lifeline and the nurse being bound to Hawk's former bed.

Hawk stared down at the two of them. "I shall spare your lives, so that you may serve the glory that is Mentok-The Mind Taker!" With that he laughed in a maniacal way and left the sickbay leaving a slightly dazed CMO and duty nurse bound together on the bed.

"I knew giving him coffee was a bad idea." Lifeline muttered irritably. The nurse decided to politely keep her comments to herself.

Hawk dashed down the hallways only vaguely knowing where he was going. All he knew was that he needed coffee, and perhaps some doughnuts as well. Yes some doughnuts would be ideal.

He came around the corner heading towards his office and saw several Greenshirts heading his way. "Greetings minions!" He grinned maniacally as he hailed them.

"Um, hello General Hawk, sir." The Greenshirts replied in unison as they stood smartly at attention and saluted. None of them dared question why he was wearing a bathrobe and pajamas.

"I, Mentok, need you to do something." Hawk continued to grin crazily. The Greenshirts began to sweat profusely.

"Yes sir, anything you need sir." They all replied. All of them wondered who the hell 'Mentok' was but seeing as they were mostly E-4 Specialists, they were in no position to question a Lt. General, even if he appeared to have gone off the deep end.

"You will go forth and gather all of the doughnuts you can! Mentok commands it!" Hawk gave them a triumphant look.

All of the Greenshirts stood there with their mouths hanging open. "Doughnuts, sir?" One of them managed to squeak out. _This is a test it has to be. _They all thought.

Hawk whirled around to face the person who dared to speak. "Yes! I, Mentok-The Mind Taker have commanded you, my loyal minions, to go forth unto the land and secure all of the doughnuts that you can! Because Mentok wills it!" He began to do the hand waving and noise making bit again.

All of the Greenshirts were stupefied. What could they do, he was their Commanding Officer, a Lt. General for crying out loud. Even if he was totally off his nut, he was still their C.O. Hawk made their decision for them.

"Why are you still here? I, Mentok, have given you a command! Obey me at once or face my wrath. Go now! Because Mentok wills it!" He bellowed. The Greenshirts all fled in terror from the crazed General as he laughed.

Hawk made it to his office and tossed his aide out. "Mentok needs to be alone to contemplate his next move. Leave me at once!" The aide scurried out of the office as fast as his legs could carry him when he saw the look in Hawk's eyes.

He slammed the door shut and went into his office. He found his old battered brown leather bomber jacket with the three stars on each collar and put it on over his bathrobe and pajamas.

"This is much more to my liking." He commented as he looked around the office. He spent several minutes fiddling around with various things around his office before sitting down at his desk and reaching for a pad and pencil. Within an hour he had mapped out what he deemed to be a successful plan for complete world domination. He sat there and laughed at his own cleverness.

"Now I need to call my minions to implement my plan." He said aloud. He reached for the phone and hit the speed dial button labeled _Duke, Executive Officer. _

A groggy and somewhat irritable Duke answered the phone after two rings. It was after 2300 hrs. "This had better be good." Duke growled.

"Greetings, my most loyal minion. I, Mentok have devised a brilliant plan for world domination. I need you to gather my officers together so I may begin to implement my plan." Hawk said into the phone.

There was a long pause on the other end. "Is that you Hawk?" He asked tentatively.

"Your lord Mentok has given you an order minion! Bring my officers to me at once! I, Mentok, command you!" He slammed down the phone before Duke could reply.

Duke, now fully awake, sat there staring at the phone in his hand. _What the hell was going on?_ He thought angrily as he hit the button for the sickbay. After 20 rings he got no answer. "Great, just fucking great." He growled angrily. He started to call Flint and the others. If he had to deal with a deranged General, he'd be damned if he was going to do it alone.

After all, misery does love company, wouldn't you agree?

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

**Bad Medicine.**

**Chapter Three.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any of the GI Joe characters. **

AN: As I said this is a prequel to 'Hawk's Holiday', which I started writing before the events of 'The Last Stand' storyline. I mention this because a few characters in here are dead in the current issues.

"Hawk is doing _what_?" Beachhead shouted incredulously. Duke somehow figured that bringing the notoriously cranky Command Sergeant Major into this was a bad idea, but he had little choice in the matter. Mentok, err, Hawk, had ordered him to get all of the command staff out of bed and bring them to his office. He just wished that Beachhead wouldn't be so damn loud.

Duke took a deep breath and explained the situation again to the assembled staff. They were gathered in the sick bay where Duke had rushed to after realizing that Hawk had called from his office. He untied Lifeline and the Duty nurse and they explained to him what had happened. Lifeline figured that Hawk had mistakenly taken his medication with his coffee and reacted badly. The cartoon show that he had been watching at the time only added to his dementia. Duke hit his head against the wall a few times and woke the rest of the command staff on base.

Flint, Lady Jaye, Beachhead, Scarlett, and Stalker had shown up quickly. Snake Eyes, Spirit, Stretcher, and Low Light were there as well. He also called the communications room and ordered Dial Tone and Mainframe to block any outgoing calls from Hawk's office or quarters for the duration of the situation they were in. The less anyone outside of the command staff, especially the Jugglers, knew about Hawk's condition, the better. As for the rest of the Joes on the base, they would be kept in the dark as much as humanly possible, although Duke figured (correctly) that most of the base knew about it. If not, they would know soon enough. For now they would isolate and contain Hawk as best as they could.

"How are we going to play this?" Stalker asked.

"The six of us will go in and talk to Hawk and try to calm him down. We'll have Lifeline with us just in case with something to knock him out if it becomes necessary. Snakes, Spirit, Low Light and Stretcher will be outside in case he tries to make a run for it. Low Light has his rifle loaded with tranquilizer darts just in case." Duke looked at the sniper who nodded and patted the air rifle he cradled in his arms. "Hopefully we can do this without hurting him any more."

"Not to mention keeping this to ourselves before anyone else finds out." Flint added.

Just as Flint said that, the intercom kicked in. "Minion! Where are you? I, Mentok, demand that you come to my chambers immediately! Because Mentok wills it!" Hawk's somewhat demented voice bellowed from the speakers.

Lady Jaye stood there with her head in her hands. "So much for keeping it quiet." She moaned.

Duke beat his head against the wall some more. "Let's go take care of him before everything gets any more out of hand." He grumbled and led the way out of sickbay, the others trailing behind him.

Various Joes were sticking their heads out of their quarters as the group passed by asking what the hell was going on. Duke ordered them to forget it and go back to sleep, and most of them complied. The few that didn't comply right away were promised extra PT and latrine duty by Beachhead.

Along the way, they noticed that a lot of the Greenshirts that were supposed to be on duty were missing. Duke pondered the implications and ramifications of this as they made their way to Hawk's office. Snake Eyes and the others positioned themselves accordingly and signaled that they were ready. Duke nodded, steeled himself and pressed the intercom button to announce him self.

"Enter my loyal minions!" Hawk's voice blasted from the intercom. There was a buzz and Duke pushed open the door.

"Into the valley of death rode the six hundred…oof!" Flint began softly before his wife and Scarlett elbowed him in the ribs.

As the group quietly entered the outer office they noted that Hawk's aide was missing as well. Either he had fled in terror or been dismissed. Other than tying Lifeline and his nurse up, Hawk hadn't hurt anyone yet. They all hoped that they could get this over with soon.

The door to Hawk's office opened at Duke's touch to reveal the darkness within. The only visible illumination was the lamp on Hawk's desk. Hawk was sitting behind his desk, shrouded in darkness with only his hands visible in the gloom.

"General Hawk?" Duke asked quietly.

"Who is this 'Hawk' person?" Hawk demanded in an angry voice. "I am Mentok, The-Mind Taker, your supreme leader!"

"Oh boy." Stalker whispered from beside Duke. Duke glared at him and turned what he hoped was a pleasant smile to his unhinged leader.

"Forgive me, my lord Mentok. We have come as you requested." Duke said. Behind him, the others, except for Beachhead smiled as well. Duke had figured on a reception like this and had thought it best that they all play along until they could make a move. Lifeline and Scarlett both started moving towards both sides of Hawk's chair.

Hawk sat there for a moment, his hands played with the pencil in them. Finally he leaned forward into the light. The grin on his sweating face was so demented that it made all of their hair on their respective necks stands on end.

"Think nothing of it my loyal minion. Now I gathered you all together to discuss my plans for world domination. Would you like to see them?" Hawk asked in a strange voice.

"Yes my Lord Mentok we would." Lady Jaye replied with a warm and hopefully disarming smile. She could feel Beachhead's glare on her neck.

"Then you shall!" Hawk thundered. He pulled out several pieces of paper and slapped them on his desk. Each of them was child-like drawing of Hawk leading the Joes into battle against various foes. First they would secure what looked like several nuclear missiles, and then they went after several targets. The crudely drawn buildings were labeled the Kremlin, the Taj Mahal, Buckingham Palace, the Great Wall of China, the Eiffel Tower, the Vatican, and most disturbingly, the White House. The last picture depicted Hawk sitting on a throne with several people bowing at his feet while two women (the caption read Lady Jaye and Scarlett) placed a crown on his head proclaiming him 'Emperor Mentok, Supreme Ruler of the Earth'.

"What do you all think of my plan?" Hawk asked after everyone had looked at the drawings.

"Um, it's brilliant my Lord." Duke replied. The others, except Beachhead, all agreed. Scarlett and Lifeline stood on either side of Hawk, waiting for Duke's signal.

"Of course it's brilliant! I, Mentok, the Mind-Taker devised it, so it must be brilliant! Because Mentok wills it!" Duke and the others clapped appreciatively while Hawk bowed. Except Beachhead of course.

"That's it! I've had enough of this foolishness!" Beachhead snapped. He went over and leaned over the desk staring into Hawk's eyes. "You are not this 'Mentok' idiot; you are General Hawk, the CO of GI Joe!" He roared. Hawk stood there blinking in confusion.

"Beachhead back down, that's an order!" Duke shouted. Beachhead didn't comply as he continued on.

"Let's just stop this foolishness right now so we can put you back in sick bay so we can all go back to bed, okay?" He tried to reach for Hawk, but Hawk slapped his hand away and backed up a few steps.

"You dare defy the will of Mentok? Traitor! You shall be punished for your insolence!" Hawk shouted as he suddenly lunged across his desk, hands reaching for the Ranger's throat. Along the way the desk lamp was knocked to the floor, extinguishing the only light in the room. And the fight was on!

"Die traitor!"

"Get him off of me!"

"I've got him!"

"That's me you moron!"

"Sorry!"

"Ow! Who kicked me in the head?"

"Someone get the lights on!"

"I'm trying to damn it! Watch those hands buster!"

"Sorry!"

"Hey! What did you hit me for?"

"I thought you were Hawk!"

"Traitors! Mentok will destroy you all!"

"Ouch! What the hell?"

"Got him!"

At this moment the door was opened and light spilled into the room from the outer office. The sound of someone running out of the outer office could be heard. The combatants stood up, each sporting cuts and bruises.

"Everyone okay?" Duke asked, while rubbing his sore jaw. Then he blinked as someone turned the overhead light on.

"I'm fine. Hey! Where's Hawk?" Lady Jaye asked from her position by the light switch.

"Oh, shit! He escaped during the tussle." Stalker exclaimed.

"Then who did I…?" Lifeline began. His voice trailed off as Beachhead walked up to him, his scowl even more menacing than usual. Everyone noticed a large needle sticking out of his upper arm at this point.

"Idiot." Beachhead growled at the cowering medic before he slowly collapsed face down onto the floor.

Everyone stared at the unconscious Ranger for a moment before realization hit them and they all dashed out of the office.

Outside the office they found Hawk lying on the ground face down with Stretcher kneeling down beside him checking his pulse. Standing by the one wall were Low Light, Snake Eyes, and Spirit.

"Hawk will be okay after a good nights rest or two. The drugs will pass out of his system by then." Stretcher announced with a smile. Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"We'll take Hawk back to sick bay and tuck him back into bed. I think we could all do with a good night's sleep after this." Lifeline stated with a smile.

"Amen to that." Flint replied. Everyone nodded.

Stretcher bent down to pick up the unconscious General. He easily picked Hawk's nearly 200lb form up and carried him to sickbay with Lifeline beside him. The others either followed behind, or went back to their own quarters, except for Duke. He lagged behind watching them leave. _Another crisis narrowly adverted. _He thought with a smile. A loud snore from the office brought him back to reality.

Duke noticed the inert form of the Joe team's Command Sergeant Major was still lying in the middle of Hawk's office. He tried to call for the others to help him, but noticed that they were all gone.

"It figures." Duke muttered in the tone of a person who is always cleaning up after someone else's mess. He sighed wearily and went to pick up Beachhead.

_Epilogue: 2 days later, Hawk's office, 1100hrs. _

Everything was back to what passed for normal around the PIT these days. Hawk had made a full recovery from his ordeal, which made Duke, Flint, and the others very happy indeed.

Not surprisingly, Beachhead had woken up in a very foul mood the following afternoon after the effects of what Lifeline had accidentally injected him with had worn off. He expressed a desire to strangle the medic, and was informed by Stretcher that his course of action would be detrimental to his health. Beachhead took the hint, and some Advil and left.

Everyone else around the base resumed his or her normal activities. Several questions were asked about the incident two nights ago, and were neatly deflected by Duke and the others with promises of latrine duty or funny things happening to the more inquisitive people's pay checks.

Duke and Flint went into Hawk's office to report on the progress of the last few days. Lifeline had released Hawk from sickbay, but had put him on light duty for a week or so until he felt better. He also put him on some regular non-prescription medication.

When they walked into the office, they immediately noticed a few differences. The first was that Hawk looked a bit smaller than he usually did. He sat at his desk head down shoulders slumped a bit, feeling more than a little silly and embarrassed over his actions during the last few days. He was also drinking herbal tea instead of his usual coffee. "Doctor's orders." He muttered when anyone asked about it.

The big thing Duke and Flint noticed was the doughnuts, lots of doughnuts. Dozens of doughnuts in all flavors shapes and sizes. You had to give the Greenshirts credit they were good at following orders.

"Hawk?" Duke asked tentatively.

"Come in Duke. Flint. Want a doughnut?" He asked with a weak smile as he offered a box, which already had a few missing. Both of them smiled, took one of the proffered pastries and sat down.

"What do you have to report?" Hawk asked.

Duke and Flint gave him their report. The lab was fully rebuilt and they were waiting on a delivery of some new equipment. The new lab would be operational by this time next week. The rifle range was rebuilt and fully operational as well. Hawk nodded in approval. He could hear the shots going off in the distance and made a note to go there himself at his earliest opportunity. And everything else around the base was status quo.

"A few extra people have been placed on latrine duty, and Beachhead has been making up for lost time since his extra long nap the other day, but otherwise everything's fine." Flint finished. Hawk nodded and sipped his tea.

"How are you, Hawk?" Duke asked.

"Physically, other than a few bruises and a slight twinge in my back, I'm fine. Mentally, I feel like a complete jackass." He sighed.

"Well you were under a bit of strain, and you were bound to snap at some point. Unfortunately you did it in public." Duke replied.

"No kidding." Hawk sighed again. "Look, I need you to do me a few favors."

"Certainly sir." Flint stated.

"One) Get all of the Greenshirts together by 1500 in the main briefing room, along with the Command Staff. I need to apologize to them." Hawk said.

"No problem. What else?" Duke said.

"Two) Have Firewall report to my office A.S.A.P. I want to talk to her." Hawk stated.

"Done. Anything else?" Flint replied.

"Yeah. Three) get these damn doughnuts out of my office, please?" Hawk looked at the stacks of boxes and vowed silently that if he ever saw another doughnut again he would personally drive the Patriot Grizzly MBT down to Krispy Kreme's corporate HQ and blow it off the map.

Duke and Flint laughed. "We'll get on it right away sir."

45 minutes later the boxes had been taken away down to the lounge area. Hawk's aide poked his head into the office. "Agent Firewall to see you sir."

"Send her in."

The aide stepped aside as Firewall shuffled into the office with her head bowed. She wore all black civilian clothes instead of the hybrid military/civilian clothes she habitually wore when on base. She also had her laptop, overnight bag, and backpack with her, and the saddest expression Hawk had ever seen on her normally happy and cheerful face.

"You wanted to see me General Hawk?" Firewall asked in a mournful voice as she placed her luggage on the ground by her feet. She still didn't look up at him.

"Yes I did. Please, have a seat." Hawk smiled and motioned to a chair beside his desk.

"If it's all the same to you, sir, I'd prefer to stand." Firewall replied in a stiff, formal tone. Tears began to fall as she kept her eyes downcast.

"Aw, what's wrong?" Hawk asked softly as he came around the desk to stand in front of the young computer expert.

"You're going to fire me." She replied between sniffles.

"Fire you! What on earth for?" Hawk demanded incredulously. He reached for a box of tissues.

"I was the one who gave you that DVD when you were sick. It made you go crazy. It's all my fault." She sobbed. Hawk smiled warmly and hugged her.

"Firewall, look at me." She meekly complied and he continued. "It wasn't your fault. If anyone is to blame, it's me. I was the one who took the pills with my coffee against Lifeline's orders. He warned me about possible side effects and I ignored him. So if anyone should be feeling sorry for himself it's me. As for the DVD, I really enjoyed it. It was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Seeing some of those characters brought back a lot of fond memories, and for that I thank you. So stop beating yourself up, okay?"

Firewall stared at him in shock. "I'm not fired?" She managed to say after a few moments.

"You're not fired." Hawk replied with a broad grin. Firewall whooped with joy, leaped up and wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders, kissing him repeatedly on the cheek. Hawk laughed and embraced the young woman. Then he picked her up and spun her around like she was a small child. Firewall laughed with glee and Hawk set her down again.

"Care to join me for lunch?" Hawk asked with a smile.

"It would be my pleasure Hawk." Firewall replied gazing up at him in adoration. Hawk took her arm and they went out of the office telling his smiling aide that he wouldn't be back for several hours. Then, with Firewall's head resting on his arm, they went down to the mess hall together.

The End.


End file.
